Most disappointing slasher films
Prom Night (1980)
Prom Night is an overrated slasher flick which would probably be relatively unknown if it wasn’t for Scream Queen Jaime Lee Curtis starring. There are some promising sequences (the decapitated head rolling on stage) but it’s just so forgettable. A group of people accidently kill someone and pledge to keep it secret. Years later, they are killed 1 by one of prom night by a masked killer. About as dull and plain as dry chicken, Prom Night can’t help but feel painfully average.
Prom Night (2008)
The remake is a lot worse than the mediocre (mentioned above) original. The kills are as gruesome and frightening as an episode of Sesame Street and the villain is as intimidating as a lamp. The film is also painfully boring. A bright side though – I watched this film after a party and I was still quite energetic. Halfway through the film, I felt like I had been shot with a tranquilizer so I turned it off and finished it in the morning. The saving grace is a tense opening scene. So, a high school teacher is obsessed with one of his students, Donna. He kills her parents and her younger brother and he’s sent to a mental institution. A few years pass and Donna is moving on with her life. She, her 4 friends and her boyfriend are excited for prom. Unbeknownst to her, he escapes and on the night of her prom, he sneaks into the hotel where the prom is being held. He knocks off some hotel staff and a few of her friends in order to get to Donna.
Don’t go into the Woods (Alone)
The saving grace for this laughably bad horror is a couple of creative kills – even them though are extremely amateur – with blood which looks like ketchup. If the film was more well-known – it would’ve won a Razzie (which was first used in the same year) for everything. The acting is 2-steps down from a Nursery’s Nativity Play. The villain looks like he came straight off the set for The Hills Have Eyes and the directing is uninspired. Watch only for laughs. 4 hikers go through the woods as a killer is murdering random people around the area.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
I won’t write too much on this one seeing as I recently wrote a scathing review on it. TCM isn’t as much of a classic as everyone says: the characters are despicable; the heroine is annoying and the film is painfully not scary. 4 teens fall prey to a cannibalistic family and horror stupidity syndrome in Texas.
Jason X is a simple example of what on earth were the screenwriters thinking. Jason goes to space! Come on! He’s been to Manhattan (part 8), a brief trip to the suburbs (to kill Alice in part 2), a diner (part 9) and Elm Street. If you’ve been there I guess space has to be your next spot. The movie takes a dumb idea and makes it even dumber, if that’s possible. I can’t imagine anyone who would want to sit through this mind-numbingly stupid atrocity. Basically, Jason goes to space and kills a bunch of scientists.
Johnny Frank Garratt’s Last Word
A recent contender is this revenge flick which is even more forgettable than Prom Night – the kills are bland; the performances are bland and the plot is bland. If you have to watch it, have it on in the background, because it’s dull, generic and did I mention it’s bland? Basically, a man is wrongly sentenced to death for the murder. He wreaks revenge on everyone who helped convict him. Instead of a usual slasher pick-off-one-by-one, we get Final Destination style freak accidents – just a lot less creative.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street has a few decent ideas but wastes time on dumb one-liners, thin characters, cheap scares and an antagonist as scary as a Villain of the Week on the worst episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (brilliant show – Beer Bad (the worst episode) sucks.) Also, apparently a human being has 3000 gallons of blood (the ludicrous man-eating bed scene is unintentionally hilarious.) Basically, teens are picked of by a killer in their dreams.
I do like this film, but by the standards of the series it is immensely disappointing. This is the only film in the series I can’t watch all day long (Parker Posey is great though – you can’t kill me, I’m the killer, I’m the killer in Stab 3 – okay I could watch that clip all day.) Other than that, a few good kills, Carrie Fisher’s cameo, a couple of the cleverly meta-horror moments the Scream franchise is made up of – Scream 3 offers very little.